A Letter to Captain M.

Thank you for letting me go. Before you finally managed to find the balls to do that, I was stuck in limbo, the in-between, in pause, the upside-down. I had no idea whether to turn left or right, backwards or forward. I was just lost, in space.

There comes moments in time, when I still look back and truly appreciate the joy you brought to me when things were rosy, and even when things went awry. I do still believe what we had was special, and real. You were able to see things in me, that nobody else seemed to notice. Sometimes even things that I never saw myself. You were the only one that pointed out that I had a little mole, a beauty mark on the left side of my cheek. Also those very faint dimples on the sides of my face when I smiled really wide. You appreciated the things I saw as flaws about me, like my scrunched up nose that was just a little bigger than my liking. You made me feel sexy about the birthmark at the back of my right thigh, that once made me self-conscious and embarrassed.

Those are only things related to my appearance, but you also showed me that someone could really love me for who I was and not who I’m trying to portray myself as. You made me feel comfortable in my own skin. 

Tears are now rolling down my cheeks, not because I’m upset that those things are in the past, but because I am so happy you appeared in my life. I don’t regret anything that happened, or the choices I made when taking the leap or the chance with you. As moving on from this brings utter joy from within me, that it cracks a smile on my face too often in the smallest moments of my day. A feeling of excitement, and happiness just courses through my veins, and I find it difficult to hide the sense of bliss since I’ve let everything go.

What you had/have is the one opportunity you’ll only get once in a lifetime, just like one of your favourite raps songs by Eminem. You took it, without knowing what you were getting yourself into, but I’m still both proud and glad you did. 

I hope you are well, and I just wanted to tell you this because I do believe all things happen for a reason. And that reason could be that I just needed to experience you, to really know what I am worth and who I can then become.

Your’s Truly,

Carter

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