Hi, old friend…

I know I’m not supposed to say this to your face, so I’m airing it out here. My safe space.

What you did was so uncool, how you treated me towards what I now see as the end of our friendship. I rarely have ended friendships but now I guess I do. Thanks to you. That speaks more about you than it does about me then I guess, doesn’t it?

What you did, how you made me feel the past few months slowly grew from sadness to resentment. Now, whenever I see your face, I get a weird mixture of feelings. Things like jealousy, bitterness, grief and even hatred sometimes.

Jealousy, because I know you’re treating your new friends like how you did me at the very beginning. Showering them with affection and attention. 

Bitterness, because of similar reasons, and because I know we’ll never go back to that.

Grief, because I’m a stubborn person and I hold on to everything all the time and find it hard to let go, especially of friends.

Hatred, because of how dismissive you are to me now. And me not being able to understand how someone could turn a complete 180 on me, and do this when all I ever attempted was to be good to you for all the times I can remember. And how unfair the entire situation is. That I be rewarded this way, when all I was trying to do was be a good friend. 

Once again, I don’t know how many times I need to tell you. I am not perfect, because I am human. If you have a problem with me, you gotta fucking tell me. That’s how I get to grow. THAT is being fair. If you don’t tell me, I’m never going to fucking know! Or be able to learn from my mistakes, or ever become a better person.

You’re just pathetic. I’m sorry, but I’ve had enough. It’s the final straw and you fucking smashed it, cut it to bits, trampled on it and set it on fucking fire. Don’t you fucking try to drink from it again cuz it’s fucking ashes now bitch.

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